It was the onset of spring. The birds chirped, bees hummed, flowers bloomed and the ambience was pink with love, and orange with bubbling joy, which was evident on the lovely faces, which gave a radiant blush to their owner’s cheeks. Amidst the lush green trees besides the lake, they sat, hand in hand, sky gazing. The clouds seem to be on a secret pursuit of making their imaginations real. Safely hidden away from the nuances of worldly rumours, they made their own little make-believe world. Promises were made, decisions taken. Words stopped, emotions flowed, from their hearts first, going all the way to the core of their bodies. The clouds soared away, taking the light from the sky with them, as if promising a new day, with the brightest of lights, to illuminate their lives for all the days to come. Under the starry sky, someplace away from the hustle and bustle of the busy lives, that were yet to corrupt the young minds, two constellations merged into each other, giving rise to an outworldly brightness. The kind that blinds the eye. The kind that is not bright at all. The darkest kind of brightness.
She thinks. She thinks hard. She pushes her head as far as she can. Yet, the paper stays blank. A myriad of thoughts, feelings and words buzz inside her seams, waiting restlessly to flap their wings and longing to escape. But they all seem to paralyze as soon as they appear, and she finds herself into a tangled web of intangible feelings, ebbing inside her. She throws another crumpled paper into the heap besides the already overflowing dustbin, which has started to resemble mini Niagara falls. The dead line for submission is three days away, and here she is, with nothing to write about. If she continues with the same pace, she thinks she would be thrown out of the magazine crew, soon. The phone rings. It’s from the call centre. She had been on leave, since two days on the pretext of ill health. But how long will she bear the immoral advances of her boss, hiding behind transient reasons, saving herself? This time, she decides to resign, if he happens to threaten her any further and take up a new job. But is it that easy for someone like her? She doubts it.
She’s learning to cope with times that are tougher than the traditional iron nut, which is believed to be hard to crack. It is the city that took away far more things from her, than it could ever give her. It was the very city, where she found the reason of her existence, as well as the reason which could cause her to end the same.
Her head often drifts away, to someplace else, where life was easier; to sometime else, when it was simpler, if it weren’t herself who made it seem complex by getting her brain overworked each time the signboard read, ‘Bump ahead’. She was naïve enough to follow every rule, when breaking a few would have only been in her favour. But what’s bound to happen, happens.
She distinctly remembers the day he walked away from her, waving a sad goodbye, with longing and dejection on his expressive face, both at the same time. It was the worst nightmare she has ever had. She remembers waking up to his cold body and every tiny detail of the incidents that followed, but she refuses to let them take over her, just because he wanted it that way. But how could he? Was it his fault that their first baby was a still born? Were the series of miscarriages she had, his fault? Why did he punish himself for it then? If it was his fault, it was hers as well. They were into it together. How could he leave her dandling alone, with a letter to not follow his footsteps. But she knew, that all he wanted was her happiness. And he knew, that she would have tried innumerable times, to have the baby they always wanted, and dreamt of. And he knew the effects it would have, the pain it would cause, to her mind and body.
“Mom, can we have some more laddos?” several little pair of feet approach her hesitantly coming to rest infront of her. She smiles at the orphans wishing He were there, to share the satisfaction of having the children helter and skelter across their house. All her worries vapourize in that very instant.