It did nothing good, instead had exasperated his senses, for the reason that, he felt her way of tossing words was just to force an equalizer for the probable accusations, he might have thrown at her. She had well anticipated the things. She didn’t want an overwork on that, as she always had lived like that. Planned and pursued her way, for she was like some of the other girls. Nervous and suspicious without the confidence level to put herself across.
“I know you wouldn’t”. Her words echoed over his head once again.
“You know nothing”. He said casually. The air inside the pantry was warm. She was sailing as always. But enough for him to catch that frozen look. He might have continued the eulogy, but opted out to resist him with her shimmering coldness.
“You know nothing because you are talking senseless.”
“I didn’t talk senseless”.
“You may not have. But you don’t know a thing.”
He supposed, staring at the postures on the wall and the doors that resembled those revolving ones.
She brought coffee and sandwiches and sat beside him. Her expression already reflected that she’d absorbed whatever the atmosphere had set. That was not without purpose. He didn’t like to be bottled that way and had hated that since his childhood. He would be selfish and sensitive.
They hadn’t seen each other for months. They had certainly avoided the meetings every time. If she had taken the initiative to haphazard any contact in the first place, when he might be earning to meet her, it would be his turn to skip off from her mails and calls. They sailed at distance, adamant and foolish. But their canoes did meet. It had always touched and moved like preachers, unknown to the sailors.
The distance had aggravated since. After 8 months, the guy didn’t wonder if they still kept that distractive sort of attraction. Their decisions were abortive for some future cause. Whenever they suspected love’s awakening, they’d blow it off ruthlessly. They’d thrashed every bud that hoped above their reach.
“I only meant what I said”.
“God” He smiled looking away.
“What do you mean?”.
The cup in her hand trembled and the coffee escaped on to the saucer and to the table.
“You need me to believe that I’d kicked everything. You don’t need to transmit that any long. I know that. I perfectly believe that it’s my initiative for all this and don’t you think to take any credit of that.” He said in a brief stint.
“Your words are rude, aren’t they?” Her eyes seem moistened.
“Do you want anyone to be made clear of this?”
She was in a way avoiding her shock when countered by his hidden lexis. When any crisis would turn up eventually, he would talk sentences from different plots, and she would find herself in a whirl, complicated as usual.
“Now, what’s this all you are telling me?”
“Just nothing. Something that really doesn’t matter. It will also pass.” He poured more coffee into the cup.
“You don’t understand and you never did.” Said the girl.
“That doesn’t mean a thing”.
“That does. You haven’t given a thought on things.”
“I need your say. I know we will be happy together. Bangalore is a great place. They are dumping jobs, lucrative figures. We can move sooner then.” He drew invisible images on the table with his fingers.
“Will we not be?”
‘I can’t know’.
“I don’t know about your parents. I know you and that’s what I know when I think of you. That’s what’s important.”
“Meeting my parents is as important.”
“Alright, if I talk to them, what can I hear from you.”
“I will not say against. I will not say anything more.”
The guy stood up holding the cup and the saucer. She was staring at him even while trying in vain to help him out. He had almost finished washing the cups when the girl had followed him into the washroom.
“What’s happening to you?” She said glancing through the mirror for his reply.
Water splashed over the ceramic and metal plates leaving them sparkling in pride.
“I haven’t said NO. Iam thinking on. My decisions are important and I know we will be happy ever after, but they have not. Marriage means so much to them like us. You know we have to abide. I don’t know what if I would say or I wouldn’t. My thoughts are getting varied.”
“Will you please stop…?” The guy muttered aloud.
Even he was surprised by that sudden retort, if it was too early. He may not have regretted that. The door banged, and the guy turned around thinking she might have gone. The girl was still there at the corner rubbing her hand. Two other guys came in and he waved at them before following her out.
At the corridor she and her friend waited to part. In fact he had to stay there for quite sometime for the elevator to turn up. They didn’t have much to say. A smile passed them and they waved back. Then they smiled, first at themselves and at each other. The lift opened up when he was about to say something. She went in and waved.
He said. “Spike your hair”. She too laughed and returned the code. “Pass me your wig, if you dare”.
She will have reached the next building where she works. The guy took a deep breath and drifted into his bay. He told several hundred lies to his manager on being late. Of which the smart one was that, he’s goanna marry this girl. He then sat behind the system, behind his e-mails and behind himself and watched.